Life can be cruel

One of my kittens died last night. I honestly didn't see any signs. Life can be so cruel. I've had enough bad this week, although I'm happy to report my grandma is back home. In fact I've had enough bad this year...so here's to hoping my other 3 kittens thrive, 2 have 1 eye open and they're all purring today which is such a sweet sound.

I said I wanted one but I got 4!!

Since Casey's death I have found this terrible hole in my heart, in my daily routines, and especially during stressful times. I miss her so much and I wanted to try and get another cat or kitten to put a patch on that hole.
Today I got 4. A litter of baby and I mean baby kittens were abandoned by their mother at our barn. We scrambled around getting bottles and formula and they're home and napping happily. They're all different looking in their own way, and the littlest runt reminds me of Casey. I'm having fun bottle feeding them, and in a way I'm sure I'll be so busy that maybe that hole will get a little smaller.
Pictures to come soon, as they still have their eyes closed and I don't have the heart to use flash photography!

I've been bad

Okay, I thought I'd be pregnant by now and I admit I went a little crazy buying maternity clothes, that being said my wardrobe is almost complete...now the hard part...
So lately I've been feeling pretty down about things and I went crazy in the opposite way, I've gotten quite a few nice pieces to add to my Not-pregnant wardrobe, but I will add the banded bottom tanks and tops are perfect transitioners:) I've also been getting a few new pairs of shoes. I feel guitly, I've been so bad about spending money I shouldn't, but hey at least it's walmart and old navy things!
I even got a super cute dress for a wedding reception next weekend with some cute wedges to boot!

HAPPY 4TH!

For the first time in years I am actually enjoying this holiday. I'm not a firework lover by any means, I don't like the loud noise and even as a child I can remember being freaked out and telling my dad to be careful everytime he lit one. Now this year is so fun! We're having a bbq with all the family, Blair spent most the afternoon poolside and the big one I FEEL GREAT! I'm back in the land of the living after a week of literally being curled up in bed, that flu knocked me out and I hated, let me repeat: HATED relying on others to care for Blair. I'm so lucky my parents live so close because I had no choice but to let them feed and my mom even bathed her. Let's face it, I'm a bit of a control freak, and giving the reins to my baby was hard. I enjoy cooking for her, and I really enjoy bath time but man oh man I just couldn't do it this past week. And the worst part was being up all night in the bathroom WITH Blair sitting next to me on a pillow she brought in. She's just the sweetest girl.
Being sick gave me lots of time to think about things. The two main things being TTC and our upcoming Oakland trip. While everyone around us will be enjoying their new babies, and relaxing after a much anticipated wedding we will be headed back down to the Ortho. I'm nervous for a few reasons: first off I would REALLY REALLY like to be KTFU, which means I won't be able to help with the x-ray with leads me to my next worry; the darn x-ray and a very strong willed and strong in general toddler. She did awful the last time, can you imagine poor Darren being the only one in there with her? Besides the fact that the appts make stress me out and I really want to know how her sockets are doing and IF she'll need surgery or if we can just keep going back for re-checks.
But right now I suppose we'll take it one day at a time. I honestly thought I'd be holding a new baby by now, or at least not be able to see my feet. Yet here we are another cycle another dreaded week to test and I'm sure we're not because unfortunately Darren wouldn't get near me while I was sick...It seems like my friends' pregnancies are going by so quickly and here I am starting all over again and truthfully I'm bitter, I'm mad at my body, I'm mad at the world, I'm just plain mad about it. So cross your fingers, toes, anything you can cross because my life in general could use some luck!