Not myself

I've always wondered who reads my blog? I know of a few friends and maybe the occasional fb friend but as you have noticed my blog has become less about DDH since we are at the "wait and see" stage, that is, by the way, killing me!
So here goes, not that I would change my blog and what it's about, but on my personal side of the blog I haven't revealed a whole lot.
With the exception of a few friends and few family members knowing, I want another baby. I want it so badly and well it's not happening, and it's making me crazy, depressed, and jealous of the women who are pregnant. Blair was my happy surprise, a spontaneous miracle and that was great, heck I wish that would happen again. No more testing, no more counting days, no more depression come that 28 days. I should have boughten stock in tests, because I've used a ton in the last 6 months, and for some reason my body is making me miserable and my mind is making me crazy because each and every month I think "this is it" and it's not. Phew, for those who don't blog I've gotta say it feels good to get all these thoughts down, not that I don't talk to my friends about my problems, or cry on my husband's shoulders, it feels good to get it all out in an organized way minus the sobbing.
It's funny because I always pictured my life with 18 babies in it, a car full of screaming kids, a house full, but now that I've experienced the surgery, the fears and how much time, money, and attention children need...I'd like just one more please!
So here it goes, another month of hoping, praying and looking through all of my maternity clothes and Blair's baby clothes. I hope it happens soon and I hope this is the month, otherwise I might truly go insane!
On a happier note, it's Easter and Blair has thoroughly enjoyed all the candy and fun, she's taking a much needed nap until our next house we go to. She's such a sweetie. Although this morning was our first "terrible 2 moment" when she didn't want to put her tights on with her dress, ugh that was a wrestling match. She then spilled too much breakfast/chocolate on her dress and tights that she got changed into jeans, but I'm hoping after she wakes up that she'll let me put just one more dress on, minus the tights.