RAVE

Okay I'm not one to rave about certain products but today I want to say how much I love Clorox 3 stain removes. I should have taken before and after pictures because I am amazed at the stains it removed! One of Blair's favorite shirts, it's a granimals, green, and super soft, had the worst strawberry stains. So I pretreated it threw it in the wash and crossed my fingers...and what do you know, it all came out!! I am so amazed!!

YOUCH!

Luckily in this life the worst pain I've had was the unavoidable C-section, I have (knock on wood) never broken a bone, sprained anything, or had stitches besides in my mouth and later across my belly. My poor Blair is teething, for hopefully the last time, and has been feverish and crying. Yesterday after she awoke from her nap I held her awhile as she cried and that is the time I pulled a muscle or pinched a nerve in my back, youch!!!! I have hurt my back once before, dang sciatica before and after I had Blair acted up and I literally called my Mom to get Blair off of my chest because I could not get out of the bed. So here I am today feeling that same way, except the pain is higher up, and it's not bending down or picking things up, it's the twisting and for some odd reason dipaer changes KILL my back right now. I really hope it gets better for Mother's day because I have a date with my Mom, Grandma and sister in law! Yay! I haven't been to the movies since before Blair was born.

What type of Mom

Before I had Blair I always pictured myself as looking like an LLbean Mom, you know the ladies in the catalogues that have perfect hair, jeans that fit perfectly and brightly colored tops...but it seems like I am more of a walmart Mom. Some outfits I feel pretty good in, and other days, especially come naptime it's sweats and big tees. I'd probably be embarassed for people other than Darren to see my dressed like this. But I still try, a cute tee and Jeans always seems to work. Although lately I've purchased patterned flip flops for the summer, a cute pair of walking shoes by sketchers ( no don't worry they're not shape ups), and two pairs of cute ballet flats, one sparkly black pair for my brother's wedding-the dancing part, and an opened toe pink pair that has a flower on them. I'm stepping out of the comfort zone on those. Now I just need an occasion which it's not raining to wear them!
I love the idea of being a thrifty Mom, a Mom on a budget, but it never seems to stick. I enjoy a good deal, heck I just said I'm a walmart Mom! I like coupons but I am no crazy coupon lady, I buy generic everything, unless it's Blair's products are TP ( sorry we just don't skimp on that). I try to make meals that can be used for leftovers, but then I go in spurts of I'm not cooking we'll eat pizza or whatever is in the fridge. I love love love Old Navy, not only do their clothes fit me (well most of them, I can't seem to find those perfect Jeans) but they always have deals, which is how they sucker me into placing so many orders! I drink coffee from home, there went my starbucks budget...And well as far as Blair goes for the budget, thankfully kids clothes from Walmart and Old Navy are fairly cheap, so she has lots of options to choose from.
Now the deep part, the emotional part, the part that my history comes into play... I want to be the Mom that ALWAYS listens to Blair, that supports her no matter what. A conversation with the husband last night led to the thoughts of HS graduation and College graduation and how we are going to make a BIG deal of those, BIG parties and I hope my kids will know how proud of them I am (will be) everyday. I've read a few times that you're not supposed always give the "good jobs" or else they'll all seem the same, but I find myself always being encouraging, always telling Blair she's doing a good job, always cheering for her. Why wouldn't you?
So as I sit here in my sweats, although they are new and I must say pretty cute and comfy, I guess the type of Mom I am; is well Blair's Mama:)

Who needs Toys?

Because Blair is my frist child and I've never been around many babies or toddlers, I find all of these big changes to be amazing. Blair has always been a baby doll lover, and lately a teddy bear enthusist, but lately she has been using her imagination like crazy! Because she's at the "poop" stage, we talk about it a lot, but she mostly likes to tell me about the dogs who poop, and (I'm sure she'll hate me for divulging this in 10 years) she likes to pretend that the bubbles in the bathtub are poop and tells me what dog it belongs to, so funny! She also loves to pretend to feed me, now it used to be where she fed me food from her kitchen set, now it's more of a "mama m-e" and throws pretend m&ms at me, or just comes up to me and "shoves" some type of food my way. The new fun game at night is to "do" daddy's hair and makeup, using only one puff ball, sound effects and all. I might add he looks gorgeous when she's done, haha! Luckily we have such nice mellow animals that don't mind having their hair blow dried, pretend outfits put on them, and the occasional "meal" laid out before them to eat. I hate to say it but I hope Blair is a cape-wearing, stick-wand waver that runs around the yard in a few years.

Not myself

I've always wondered who reads my blog? I know of a few friends and maybe the occasional fb friend but as you have noticed my blog has become less about DDH since we are at the "wait and see" stage, that is, by the way, killing me!
So here goes, not that I would change my blog and what it's about, but on my personal side of the blog I haven't revealed a whole lot.
With the exception of a few friends and few family members knowing, I want another baby. I want it so badly and well it's not happening, and it's making me crazy, depressed, and jealous of the women who are pregnant. Blair was my happy surprise, a spontaneous miracle and that was great, heck I wish that would happen again. No more testing, no more counting days, no more depression come that 28 days. I should have boughten stock in tests, because I've used a ton in the last 6 months, and for some reason my body is making me miserable and my mind is making me crazy because each and every month I think "this is it" and it's not. Phew, for those who don't blog I've gotta say it feels good to get all these thoughts down, not that I don't talk to my friends about my problems, or cry on my husband's shoulders, it feels good to get it all out in an organized way minus the sobbing.
It's funny because I always pictured my life with 18 babies in it, a car full of screaming kids, a house full, but now that I've experienced the surgery, the fears and how much time, money, and attention children need...I'd like just one more please!
So here it goes, another month of hoping, praying and looking through all of my maternity clothes and Blair's baby clothes. I hope it happens soon and I hope this is the month, otherwise I might truly go insane!
On a happier note, it's Easter and Blair has thoroughly enjoyed all the candy and fun, she's taking a much needed nap until our next house we go to. She's such a sweetie. Although this morning was our first "terrible 2 moment" when she didn't want to put her tights on with her dress, ugh that was a wrestling match. She then spilled too much breakfast/chocolate on her dress and tights that she got changed into jeans, but I'm hoping after she wakes up that she'll let me put just one more dress on, minus the tights.

I love love being a mom...but somedays....

I have been a Mom for 2+years and technically longer than that. Now don't get me wrong I LOVE LOVE being a Mom, I love everything about it. Changing diapers are a breeze these days, feeding, clothing, bathing, playing, consoling, disciplining, I love it all...but then there are days when I think about the "old" Shara, and how the "old" Shara on days like today would be out horsing around, literally. I miss my horses like I missed drinking a strong cup of coffee when I was pregnant, heck a little more than that! I miss having the occasional ride on Melo, the feeding, cleaning, and just leaning on Magic talking to him about my day. I miss those horses, and I miss the way the "old" Shara wore wranglers. So please don't take this rant the wrong way, because I love that little girl who is napping in my bed, and I wouldn't trade anything for her. Yet there are days that I wish the horses lived in my backyard, that the fear of getting bucked off of Melo is just a little thought in my head and that my time could be spread out a little more. So here is hoping it stays sunny until Wednesday when my cowboy is off to help me saddle Melo, and then spend time with his daughter while I get a much needed ride:)

Bummed

I've been so stressed lately just trying to put an offer on that darn house and then one e-mail later and someone with CASH scoopes it up. The icing on the cake of my bad night was getting a hard plastic woody doll to the face, ouch! The tears were flowing last night and the headache is still going strong!
I realize we aren't cash rich but my husband has a great job, we had a little to put down and as my dad puts it "we're young and have energy" to really make that house great again, and it's DON (gone) as Blair would put it. Gone.

Don't get me wrong though I love living over here, and part of me feels like part of the house is mine, but then the other part of me wants to venture out and get our own place. I guess we'll just keep saving, and watching to see if any intersting houses come up for sale. I'm hoping once the weather gets nice we can paint and finish outside/inside projects and maybe my housing blues will go away.