Life goes by so fast

It is true what they say "time goes by fast when you're having fun". Just 3 years ago I was pregnant with Blair, wondering what she was going to look like, sound like, act like. And now I have this little girl who is just so sweet, and has to hug and kiss us a million times a day. Says thank-you to everything, when I open a door for her, wipe up her pee off the floor (not sure how that happened last night), and the one that gets me is she says thank you when we read her books. It's no wonder I'm such a crier all the time, she makes me cry with her sweetness. She's chatting up a storm all the time, from the moment she waks up to when she goes to sleep she's talking about everything. She loves talking on the phone and asks to call Grandpa and Cheif everyday. She's potty trained now and insists on using mommy's spoons and bowls, she even read a page of her book to us last night by looking at the pictures. Ugh time just flies by.

We recently went to the pumpkin patch and she had a blast, just the look on her face when her wagon rounded the corner and she saw all the pumpkins was priceless.

We're off to Oakland in just a short few weeks, I'm nervous, scared, excited to get down there. It's been a long year and even though part of me knows "everything" is all right, there is always that part of me who worries that she'll still need surgery. I hang on to the baggage of our past and find myself thinking about this at nighttime, or when I hold my friend's little baby. I constantly analyze and ask why we went through all that we did. Now I know things could have been much worse, I realize that, but it was not easy having her in the harness and brace for years, yes years! No one knows what it was like, except Darren and even he wasn't around for the extent of it. Darren isn't a big emotional type of guy and I can recall the few times I've seen him cry, the one being the most heartbreaking when we left the ortho with bad news and a terrible looking brace, he shed a few tears while we were driving home.

Most people in our life know, and I feel like I can finally announce that we're pregnant:) Our due date is April 12, but I'll be having a c-section a few weeks before. We're excited, I'm nervous and Blair seems to think baby sister is in her belly. I'm looking forward to all the baby stuff, the smell of a new baby, the way they seem to just be one big warm bundle when you hold them. I know Blair is going to be a great big sister as she has told me she will help me feed the baby, change diapers and bathe it. Although I know at almost 3.5 she's going to want to help with everything.

So that leads me to more worries. If this baby is a girl she'll have a 1 in 10 chance of having DDH, if it's a boy he'll have a 1 in 100 chance. So my concern is of course that we'll be heading down this road again. My friend asked me if I was going to use a carrier and be a baby wearer this time around. My answer is regrettably no, I don't want to even chance it. There are very very few carriers/wraps that are okay to use with DDH. The problem being that the hips should be out and flexed, not together in a sling, and there shouldn't be pressure on the sockets like most carriers create. I can remember so vividly one nurse coming into my room late at night and giving me this packet of info on DDh that she had printed out for me, one article going over why I shouldn't use any type of carrier. The abbreviation of DDH stands for developmental dysplasia of the hips, which used to be CDH congential dysplasia of the hips...meaning the old name implied that it happens before the baby is born, but they have found that dysplasia can also happen after birth. Sigh....so things will be basically similar to how I handled Blair, this baby will most likely either be held or in their carseat in the double stroller. But all in all we're so excited for this and I cannot wait to find out the gender!!!!

Big Update

I haven't blogged in a while so I figured I should update everyone.

Sadly our Nicky dog went to heaven just two short weeks ago. It's been hard on everyone and even harder to listen to Blair ask where Ninni is and that Ninni is her friend and that she wants Ninni to sleep in her room. I've been so fortunate to have her live with us for the past six months. I got to bond with her all over again and Blair got to become close to her as well. The only way I can tell Blair where she is, is that she's up in Heaven with Casey and Ozzy and for some reason she really likes that idea.

Blair is growing up so fast and has recently started potty training. It has been a huge deal around here and I finally found the reward worth it to her; My little Ponies. She got one for peeing and one for pooping on the potty! Yay Blair! She's also talking up a storm and is so sweet and affectionate. She is really polite as well, she can order her own food at a resturaunt and loves to say "thanks" and "no thanks" and is just a hoot these days. We have our big ortho appt coming up, the tuesday after Chad's wedding, we're excited and nervous for both big events!!

All three kittens are doing great, they're super rambuncous and love to be held. They all have such loud purrs and want out of their little area as soon as they hear you.

Joshie had his first seizure post medications, it wasn't nearly as bad and he didn't overheat so I think that's what we can hope for. He's having a hard time with his skin allergies but thankfully he enjoys being bathed.
So I guess that's it for now, while things are a little hectic and crazy around here I hope to blog a little more in the future.

Life has been so busy!

This is what I have been up to lately! Between feeding kittens, playing in the yard with Blair and the dogs, and sewing...life has been a big crazy!

Life can be cruel

One of my kittens died last night. I honestly didn't see any signs. Life can be so cruel. I've had enough bad this week, although I'm happy to report my grandma is back home. In fact I've had enough bad this year...so here's to hoping my other 3 kittens thrive, 2 have 1 eye open and they're all purring today which is such a sweet sound.

I said I wanted one but I got 4!!

Since Casey's death I have found this terrible hole in my heart, in my daily routines, and especially during stressful times. I miss her so much and I wanted to try and get another cat or kitten to put a patch on that hole.
Today I got 4. A litter of baby and I mean baby kittens were abandoned by their mother at our barn. We scrambled around getting bottles and formula and they're home and napping happily. They're all different looking in their own way, and the littlest runt reminds me of Casey. I'm having fun bottle feeding them, and in a way I'm sure I'll be so busy that maybe that hole will get a little smaller.
Pictures to come soon, as they still have their eyes closed and I don't have the heart to use flash photography!

I've been bad

Okay, I thought I'd be pregnant by now and I admit I went a little crazy buying maternity clothes, that being said my wardrobe is almost complete...now the hard part...
So lately I've been feeling pretty down about things and I went crazy in the opposite way, I've gotten quite a few nice pieces to add to my Not-pregnant wardrobe, but I will add the banded bottom tanks and tops are perfect transitioners:) I've also been getting a few new pairs of shoes. I feel guitly, I've been so bad about spending money I shouldn't, but hey at least it's walmart and old navy things!
I even got a super cute dress for a wedding reception next weekend with some cute wedges to boot!

HAPPY 4TH!

For the first time in years I am actually enjoying this holiday. I'm not a firework lover by any means, I don't like the loud noise and even as a child I can remember being freaked out and telling my dad to be careful everytime he lit one. Now this year is so fun! We're having a bbq with all the family, Blair spent most the afternoon poolside and the big one I FEEL GREAT! I'm back in the land of the living after a week of literally being curled up in bed, that flu knocked me out and I hated, let me repeat: HATED relying on others to care for Blair. I'm so lucky my parents live so close because I had no choice but to let them feed and my mom even bathed her. Let's face it, I'm a bit of a control freak, and giving the reins to my baby was hard. I enjoy cooking for her, and I really enjoy bath time but man oh man I just couldn't do it this past week. And the worst part was being up all night in the bathroom WITH Blair sitting next to me on a pillow she brought in. She's just the sweetest girl.
Being sick gave me lots of time to think about things. The two main things being TTC and our upcoming Oakland trip. While everyone around us will be enjoying their new babies, and relaxing after a much anticipated wedding we will be headed back down to the Ortho. I'm nervous for a few reasons: first off I would REALLY REALLY like to be KTFU, which means I won't be able to help with the x-ray with leads me to my next worry; the darn x-ray and a very strong willed and strong in general toddler. She did awful the last time, can you imagine poor Darren being the only one in there with her? Besides the fact that the appts make stress me out and I really want to know how her sockets are doing and IF she'll need surgery or if we can just keep going back for re-checks.
But right now I suppose we'll take it one day at a time. I honestly thought I'd be holding a new baby by now, or at least not be able to see my feet. Yet here we are another cycle another dreaded week to test and I'm sure we're not because unfortunately Darren wouldn't get near me while I was sick...It seems like my friends' pregnancies are going by so quickly and here I am starting all over again and truthfully I'm bitter, I'm mad at my body, I'm mad at the world, I'm just plain mad about it. So cross your fingers, toes, anything you can cross because my life in general could use some luck!