Thoughts of how my life could have been easier...

I try not to feel sorry for myself, I'd like to think that we're given things in life that we can handle. So I handle Hip Dysplasia, I handle sleepless nights, I handle 10hour trips, and for the most part I handle the stress, and the What IF? I think I handle this in stride because I have such a GOOD baby, which somedays I don't realize until we go out to eat or are out in public and complete strangers, anywhere from a "thug" looking kid, mothers, and men with hairy beards come up to tell me how cute and well behaved she is. Which amazes me because I thought that is how all babies are supposed to be. But my daughter is so sweet to me, so cute, and happy...which is something you wouldn't expect when she sleeps in a hard restricting brace that I can't image being comfortable in.
My thoughts on how life could have been easier certainly includes Blair never being born with HD but becuase that is the cards we have been dealt I like to think about things that could have made our life easeir. First of those being someone who would put their emotions aside and listen to the doctors because to be honest the first 3 doctors I saw I can't even remember what they said, it was all a cloud and crying.
Second I wish someone would make higher neck turtle neck onsies so the harness wouldn't have scraped her neck and socks that are soft and stay in place so that her legs didn't get scraped.
One thing that I was so jealous of were mother's that got to wear the front packs, we weren't able to because of the pressure it would put on her hips. So I wish someone would invite some other way that a HD baby can be carried.
One other important thing that we missed out on was swaddling, because Blair's legs needed to be open as wide as they would go we couldn't swaddle her. I should have made something that would swaddle the top half of her.
I also wish the U/S and x-rays were easier and faster and came out right the first time. I wish there was a book that told everything you needed to know about HD that wasn't written in the 80's and that would address feelings.
I wish people would just listen and not try to tell me "everything is fine" "look at her she looks fine" or the latest "she's walking so how bad could it be?" Until you have a baby with HD or something similar you DON'T know what it's like, walk a mile, or even a night in my shoes and see how it feels.
And lastly for my rantings today is: Hello it's 2010 you'd think they could make a better brace that doesn't have a hard plastic back that is too small, and maybe 1/2 sizes since all babies don't fit into S, M, or L...

STEPS

At 13months old my baby girl took her first steps. She went to Grandma's house yesterday and took a few over there, then took some more in front of her daddy while I was in the bathroom, and FINALLY today she took a few for me!! It seems like a huge milestone, especially for having hip dysplasia. I'm not sure what our next Oakland appt will bring.

Feeling guilty and sleepy

I never knew teething would be so hard and have so many sleepless nights. It's almost like having a newborn again. Not only is she not sleeping but putting the brace on is pure agony, she gets hysterical if you try. So here we are two weeks into the horrible molars and not bracing. I am feeling extremely guilty...but what is a mother to do? I am exhausted and frustrated. We have a pediatrician appointment on the 8th and I can't wait to go talk to my favorite NP, I have a lot of questions. It seems like all we've heard is "HD is cureable if you catch it early and harness" but Oakland appoitments seem to be let down after let down. Blair will be 14 months old at our next appointment when this horrible ordeal should have been over with at 6 weeks. I trust our specialist and I know how difficult HD is, every baby is different and every treatment is different. It's not like a broken leg, it takes time and surgery. Wish me luck for tonight, I hope we get a full 8hours.

Happy Birthday little girl!

Where has the year gone?? This day last year I was in the hospital after dinner and holding my baby girl after 10pm. I remember everything from what I was wearing, feeling, eating, doing that day. I can still feel all the emotions, even how cold the OR was, yelling at the nurses to take the sheet back because I was feeling clausterphobic. It's strange to think I felt NO contractions, ever, not even a braxtin. To check into the hospital at 7:30pm, told I was going to have an emergency c-section in an hour, to holding my little girl and feeling absolutely nothing from my waist down. I remember all the nurses, the food, Blair's little fingers, her head of dark hair, her cute little lips. To go from a shock to absolute distress after her brace was put on. Feeling so much dispair, sadness, confusion. When the pediatrician came in, the third we had seen, to explain it all I can literally remember my head spinning and not understanding a word he said. Spending a few more days at the hospital and insisting to go home on Sunday, even though the nurses wanted me to stay. Oh how great it felt to be home with my baby.

I love everything about being a mommy, even the stinky diapers, spit up on my clothes, and the crying. Needless to say we've had a lot to go through our first year as parents, but I wouldn't change it for anything. I love my little girl, my big one year old! Happy Birthday Blair, we have a lifetime more to celebrate!!

2010

Goodbye 2009 Hello 2010. What a year it has been. The best year of my life, having my little baby girl. This last year has also been tough. Hip dysplasia has become a household discussion, and lifestyle change. I had hoped that my daughter was going to be healthy, and for the most part she is, HD is something that has made me stronger as a mother but not so much as a person. We have 2 months until our next appointment and bracing has not been going smoothly. We're getting maybe 8hours a night in it when we're supposed to be doing 12. Teething, and a cold has really pushed us back.

One thing is for sure, Blair is a beautiful, sweet, loving, and smart little girl. She has been really cuddly lately and it's enough to warm your heart. She gives hugs and really wet open mouthed kisses and wants to be held and hugged a lot.

My new year resolutions are to make everyday special with Blair, be happy with myself, get out of debt and cook healthier. I'm not sure what the year holds for us yet, especially in terms of surgery, bracing, and the big one...having another baby. I want Blair to have a sibling and a 2 year gap sounds nice. I'm not sure if I can handle a baby with Blair still sleeping with me, bracing, and if she has to have surgery there is no way. So we'll have to wait and see...

2010 is going to be another great year because I get to be a mother to a wonderful baby:)

Feeling guilty as usual

Christmas was so much fun, I cannot believe it's over. Blair had a lot of fun Christmas eve with my family over for dinner. My brother and Darren set up her swing set in the playroom and she got so many presents that night and the next day. Her favorite (I think) is a doll that has velcro on her hands to hold little stuffed animals. She holds her and hugs her, so sweet. Blair also had a lot of fun at her Aunt Missey's, she attacked her cousin with love and got sweet potatoe all over my arm. We then went to my mom's and got spoiled again.

With all of the fun we've been having, there has also been some guilt on my part. With Blair's molars all coming in at the same time I just do not have the heart to make her wear her brace at night. She's not sleeping and that means I'm not sleeping. Tonight will hopefully be better and I'll force myself to put it on her. Two weeks till Blair's birthday!! Then two months till our next Oakland appointment! Hip dysplasia is always on my mind.

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas around here...

I'm so excited for Blair's first Christmas, it's hard to believe this time last year I had a huge baby belly and was anxiously awaiting the arrival of B. The house was decorated after Thanksgiving, although if I had it my way the house would look like this all year round. Most of our presents are wrapped, the lights are up. Darren put them up wrong though, but oh well they still look great, especially since it's so dark down here. It was hard to figure out what to get B, she's at the age where she doesn't want baby toys but is still too small for big things. I really wanted to get her a kitchen set but I'm afraid she'll just try to climb up to stand, I also wanted to get her a ball pit but they sold out of them at walmart. I'm going to find another ball pit because in the case of surgery a mom on http://www.baby-hip.org/ suggested it. HD is always on our minds no matter how happy and festive it is.

Blair has had a cold this week, our first and definetely not our last. She's been sans brace now for 2 nights and I feel so incredibly guilty. There is no way she would stand it though. I'm happy to say she is on her way to feeling better, however I now have the bug.