Life can be cruel

One of my kittens died last night. I honestly didn't see any signs. Life can be so cruel. I've had enough bad this week, although I'm happy to report my grandma is back home. In fact I've had enough bad this year...so here's to hoping my other 3 kittens thrive, 2 have 1 eye open and they're all purring today which is such a sweet sound.

I said I wanted one but I got 4!!

Since Casey's death I have found this terrible hole in my heart, in my daily routines, and especially during stressful times. I miss her so much and I wanted to try and get another cat or kitten to put a patch on that hole.
Today I got 4. A litter of baby and I mean baby kittens were abandoned by their mother at our barn. We scrambled around getting bottles and formula and they're home and napping happily. They're all different looking in their own way, and the littlest runt reminds me of Casey. I'm having fun bottle feeding them, and in a way I'm sure I'll be so busy that maybe that hole will get a little smaller.
Pictures to come soon, as they still have their eyes closed and I don't have the heart to use flash photography!

I've been bad

Okay, I thought I'd be pregnant by now and I admit I went a little crazy buying maternity clothes, that being said my wardrobe is almost complete...now the hard part...
So lately I've been feeling pretty down about things and I went crazy in the opposite way, I've gotten quite a few nice pieces to add to my Not-pregnant wardrobe, but I will add the banded bottom tanks and tops are perfect transitioners:) I've also been getting a few new pairs of shoes. I feel guitly, I've been so bad about spending money I shouldn't, but hey at least it's walmart and old navy things!
I even got a super cute dress for a wedding reception next weekend with some cute wedges to boot!

HAPPY 4TH!

For the first time in years I am actually enjoying this holiday. I'm not a firework lover by any means, I don't like the loud noise and even as a child I can remember being freaked out and telling my dad to be careful everytime he lit one. Now this year is so fun! We're having a bbq with all the family, Blair spent most the afternoon poolside and the big one I FEEL GREAT! I'm back in the land of the living after a week of literally being curled up in bed, that flu knocked me out and I hated, let me repeat: HATED relying on others to care for Blair. I'm so lucky my parents live so close because I had no choice but to let them feed and my mom even bathed her. Let's face it, I'm a bit of a control freak, and giving the reins to my baby was hard. I enjoy cooking for her, and I really enjoy bath time but man oh man I just couldn't do it this past week. And the worst part was being up all night in the bathroom WITH Blair sitting next to me on a pillow she brought in. She's just the sweetest girl.
Being sick gave me lots of time to think about things. The two main things being TTC and our upcoming Oakland trip. While everyone around us will be enjoying their new babies, and relaxing after a much anticipated wedding we will be headed back down to the Ortho. I'm nervous for a few reasons: first off I would REALLY REALLY like to be KTFU, which means I won't be able to help with the x-ray with leads me to my next worry; the darn x-ray and a very strong willed and strong in general toddler. She did awful the last time, can you imagine poor Darren being the only one in there with her? Besides the fact that the appts make stress me out and I really want to know how her sockets are doing and IF she'll need surgery or if we can just keep going back for re-checks.
But right now I suppose we'll take it one day at a time. I honestly thought I'd be holding a new baby by now, or at least not be able to see my feet. Yet here we are another cycle another dreaded week to test and I'm sure we're not because unfortunately Darren wouldn't get near me while I was sick...It seems like my friends' pregnancies are going by so quickly and here I am starting all over again and truthfully I'm bitter, I'm mad at my body, I'm mad at the world, I'm just plain mad about it. So cross your fingers, toes, anything you can cross because my life in general could use some luck!

First Flu

These past two weeks have been awful! I mean awful, I don't even want to write about what's been going on with me and TTC so I'll just write about my poor Blair fighting a terrible virus. Most of this is TMI so sheild your eyes if you'd like! Last week went to the dr on monday then to the zoo on thursday, after naptime on thursday Blair woke up with a fever then rhea and continued to have both until the weekend. I was hoping it would get better but did not so we went to the dr's yesterday but of course there isn't much they can do. The dr literally told me exactly what my Dad had told me the day before: hydrate, try to get her to eat certain foods, keep the temp down etc. Then last night we were up half the night, poor Blair puked all over, all over me, all over the bed, the bathroom, herself...I have washed our bedding so many times in the last week, and have done load after load of Blair's clothes. It has been awful. To top it off I feel terrible because I am certain she must have picked it up at the dr's office last monday. Ugh I hope this bug clears up soon. This is Blair's first virus although I'm sure she'll get it a few more times and I'll probably be puked on a few more times!

Is it the weekend yet?

Blair Darren and I are ready for the weekend to get here. Not only does Darren have the weekend off but then Monday for memorial. We're headed to a hotel to swim and to pick up a swingset at Walmart. Last night my ever so talkative and cute girl decided to put on a swimsuit fashion show. I haven't laughed and smiled that much in awhile (okay maybe a week, that girl knows how to make me laugh). She looked so darn cute, and grown up strutting around in her suits. She then put on her light up princess sandals and told her Mama and Daddy to put their "swimmies" on. Yay for the weekend!! I can't wait to wear our summer clothes, which I have gotten some really great pieces. I know I talk about Walmart and how I love it but I truly do get some great deals and great clothes. I have (and have another on the way) a tie dye dress that I love, Darren not so much, but it's not obnoxious tye die and it's a tea length and would be perfect if we lived somewhere hot. So I suppose I'll wear it the two days it gets warm over here, and to the river. I've also found some shorts that are the bermuda style with stretch and they perfect since I am not a skinny minny and I usually hate shorts. Now Blair, she can pull of anything, and she looks so adorable in her denim shorts and capris and tanks. I've been wanting a jean jacket and I got one from ON that is in a tall since I have long arms, and I can't wait to wear it when it's nice but chilly out...haven't even had one of those days yet, and I'm thinking of ordering one from Walmart, at half the price.
As far at TTC news, I've been trying the OPKs and CD 11 still no positive, so I'm hoping it's soon, maybe even this weekend with the sun shining and good moods it'll happen. I was contemplating yesterday if I would be satisfied in my life with one child, and in a way I am/would be. But because Blair is so sweet, special, smart, loveable, cute, adding another child in our family would be nothing but amazing. I don't want Blair to be an only child, I think she'll be a wonderful big sister. I know in my life I wouldn't be nearly as happy without my brother. So think good baby thoughts for us and lots and lots of baby dust:)

Life evolves so I suppose a Blog can evolve too

I never thought my DDH blog would turn into a TTC blog, but as the title reads my life is ever evolving so shall my Blog. Another disapointing, heart breaking month has come and gone. As I have said Blair was my very pleasant surprise pregnancy and now that we're TTC and it's not happening it makes me realize how pleasant a surprise pregnancy truly is. No counting days, testing, and bawling the whole day because AF has come. No staring at the maternity closet and actually wanting your belly to grow and stretch and welcome morning sickness and heartburn and eventually surgery and then sleepless nights. But I need to be optimistic; I bought a OPK and I will actually be buying another since it only tests for 7 days and well that is just not enough for me, I want to be sure this time. So come on February birth month, afterall it is an excellent month to be born:) So to those who read my blog, I'm sure it's few, as I only have one follower, cross your fingers and toes and send lots of baby dust my way!!