Belly Rubber

My daugther has some interesting "quirks" one of which is she rubs my belly. My flabby stretched-marked belly is comforting to her. When she's sleepy or not feeling good up goes the hand, no matter where we are. It's hard to cook dinner when she's in front of me, embarassing when people are around (not the action of her doing it, the embarassment that someone will see my belly). I actually love it, she's a very cuddly touchy girl and I hope she never stops:)

On a ddh note, we're headed to Shriner's on Tuesday, an early 5am wake up call and we'll be on the road! I'm stressed for numerous reasons: the first being this is a new trip, a new route, and it's going to be HOT! We're taking the truck of course and her carseat itsn't inclined enough for me not to worry that she's going to slump over while sleeping. Thanks to the tomtom I'm not so worried about getting lost, nor am I worried about parking since our hotel is right across the street. We'll be making a mad dash in the heat with our "city" stroller as I call it for our 2:30appt. I have my questions typed, I've got my serious Mama face on and my walmart list ready! I'm very nervous to hear what's happened in the past 7 months. Hoping there is progress with her acetabular index, hoping she's not borderline surgery, and hoping there will be a definte opinion.

The eye twitch that never goes away

We've got a week until our first big trip to Shriner's Hospital for our second opinion. I'm excited, nervous, anxious, and stressed, hence the eye twitch that has been going on and off for the past month. I'm not sure what the doctors there are going to say besides "yes she has hip dysplasia so we'll wait and see what happens". Yes she has it, and it has always been borderline, but without there being any dislocations surgery will wait, until? Until the point at which all of the watching becomes decision making time. I am grateful that her DDH hasn't been extreme but then again it's a catch 22 when it's still present with no progress but not "bad enough" for the big operation to happen.

My recent way of coping with all the anxiousness is becoming educated, reading over and over Dr. Hoffinger's notes, looking at her x-rays, scanning the internet and my next adventure of heading to the library for research. It's been nice to talk to my family about it, analyze it with my dad and hear other people's thoughts.

Two trips, truck registration, dentist bill, hospital bills, Christmas, and the everyday costs all seem to be weighing heavily on my mind. Hoping for a good trip and hoping for better news, and then the agonizing waiting for a month to go to Oakland.

Remembering the funny times

I'm not sure who even reads my blog but I'm sure someone is tired of the complaining or constent "worries" so I thought I'd write some funny, or not so funny moments with our DDH journey.

On our second trip down to Oakland, in tow with my mother in law started a bit late in the day. After she was done watching our nephew we hit the road and stayed in rhonert park, while she went to sleep in the hotel Darren, and an infant Blair and I went to have a late dinner at Outback (YUMMY). Dinner was fine, Blair was asleep most of it and as we were finishing up the waiter brought our check and quickly looked away. As I looked down I realized I had leaked through my nursing pads and my darn husband hadn't "noticed". I was so embarassed, we quickly left.

For some reason, I have no idea why, I can't use a shower with only one curtain. I just don't get it, I went from having a shower door at my dad's house to a double curtain everywhere else. So everytime we go to Oakland I FLOOD the bathroom, then I use all the towels to sop up my mess while Darren shakes his head and laughs.

Our first trip down was a disaster! I literally pumped in the backseat of my mom's car every hour of our 6 hour drive. Not so fun! Once we were at the hotel we tried to settle in with a whole night of no sleep for me. I don't think I slept 10minutes. Blair didn't want to sleep in her travel crib and I was too afraid to let her sleep in the hotel bed with us. So up I stayed holding her tight. The next morning while trying to get her dressed she had a dirty diaper, Darren went to change it and well she just kept on pooping, so he kept pushing her up on the bed so the paper pad we were using would catch it and it just kept on going, we thought the whole bed was going to be ruined...sorry Blair had to tell it.

Our first ultrasound in Oakland was almost un-eventful. She did just fine, slept the whole time. She had to be naked so they could get a good scan and before he was finished she let our the cutest fart and we were all waiting for the same story as above, but it didn't happen.

When we got the newest pavlick harnesses we were a little surprised to find it came with a shirt and socks. The shirt however was apaulling! It had writing on it above the chest strap that said "I love a rhino harness" ( the name of the harness) It was also cheap and UGLY! We laughed about it but quickly got more long sleeve onesies for Blair to wear.

Through trial and error, good decisions and bad decisions we have made most of our way through DDH. My life is great, there are moments that are extremely hard and tons of ups and downs but I wouldn't want it either way. It sounds weird but if Blair didn't have DDH she wouldn't be Blair.

I'm Ready!

I'm not sure where life is going to take my little family. What I do know is I am ready, I'm ready to move, I'm ready to have another baby, and most of all I'm ready for surgery if that is what it's going to take to fix my baby's hips! My life is at a stand still. I went from only wanting one baby, probably due to all the stress, tears, and struggles we've had, to finally wanting another! I forget what it feels like to be pregnant, I forget what it was like to hold your newborn. I had made a mini checklist of what I want my life to be like before attempting to conceive.
1. No more nursing Blair...check, as of a few months ago, very sad time for me, but she did it all on her own.
2. Blair sleeping in her own crib, which is still a checklist pending, but she's in it for most of the night.
3. Communication, Blair can now say a few words and tell me what she wants. It's great! She lets me know when she's hungry, what she wants (as far as an object) and is trying really hard to talk.
4. ... I need to be in a place where I can say "okay, in 10months I'll be having surgery, I'll be in the hospital for 4+ days and recovery will be hard. But I'm sort of ready for that, I think.
5. this is the biggest checklist item...What is going to happen as far as Blair and her hips?? Surgery or not?? So we'll wait for November and pray and pray that she doesn't need it.
6. this item doesn't matter too much to me because Home is where your Heart is, but I'm not sure where we'll be living. I love it here but I'm ready for Darren to advance in his career, I'm ready to buy a house for a reasonable price...but that one's still up in the air.

I guess for now we just keep living day by day, making the most of it. Blair is thriving and learning so much, I'd hate to see her upset, in pain and frustrated. But as I have come to learn, life isn't always fair and it's certainly never easy!

NORMAL?

So after I called the dr's office this morning, the nurse called back to tell me the x-rays look normal. So am I a duck waddler with chronic hip pain and the ability to pop both hips out??? Definetely going to get the x-rays and send them down to Blair's orhto. So confused now

do I have HD?

After 18months of concentrating on Blair and her hip dysplasia, I finally decided to get myself checked out. A very short appt with my family dr, a few x-rays and I should be finding out by the latest tomorrow. My dr didn't think I had it because I would be in a lot more pain, bla bla bla. To be honest his appt/opinion doesn't mean a whole lot to me right now. I've researched, been there talked to dr.s about it. I also didn't like his comment without much emotion that my daughter will be just fine either way. Um okay guy, I know you don't have children but have a little understanding that the last thing I want is for my daughter to be opened up, screws and plates put in, and then be in an almost full body cast for months. I came home and cried, I haven't cried for myself since the night of Blair's birth. Becomming a mother I had put most of my worries about myself aside, but now I am real anxious to find out. I mostly wanted to see if I had HD for the next baby. If i have it most likely the next baby will have it...the only good point is we know what to expect now.

4 years ago...

It's almost been 4 years ago since I married my best friend. I know everyone says they married their best friend but Darren truly is mine. Somedays it feels like he's my only friend, and well that's okay with me. Family is so important to me and I'm not sure where we'd be without them. My dad has helped us out so much letting us live in our house, it's been so great to watch Blair and her Grandad play, she even knows the sound of his diesel and squeels when she hears it.

Our wedding wasn't the fanciest, nor did we have a ton of people. In fact I would have rathered gone to vegas or the courthouse. My best friend and I had a fight over a stupid guy and now we don't speak, along with another friend who had such a sour attitude about marriage. It was extremely awkward with my divorced parents and the never ending "we don't have money to invite so and so" list. Yet here we are still going strong, now I do admit we've had our UPS and DOWNS but for the most part our life is great. I know I can tell Darren anything, depend on him when I need help or a shoulder to cry on, which we do a lot of dealing with Hip Dysplasia.

What made our wedding special to me is that we didn't do the regular wedding vows that everyone takes, here is an excerpt from our ceremony. I absoltely love it and I'm going to frame it for Darren:

Now you will feel no rain,
for each of you will be shelter for the other;
Now you will feel no cold,
for each of you will be warmth for the other.
Now there is no more loneliness.
Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you.
Go now to your dwelling to enter into the days of your life together.
And may your days be good, and long upon the Earth.