NORMAL?

So after I called the dr's office this morning, the nurse called back to tell me the x-rays look normal. So am I a duck waddler with chronic hip pain and the ability to pop both hips out??? Definetely going to get the x-rays and send them down to Blair's orhto. So confused now

do I have HD?

After 18months of concentrating on Blair and her hip dysplasia, I finally decided to get myself checked out. A very short appt with my family dr, a few x-rays and I should be finding out by the latest tomorrow. My dr didn't think I had it because I would be in a lot more pain, bla bla bla. To be honest his appt/opinion doesn't mean a whole lot to me right now. I've researched, been there talked to dr.s about it. I also didn't like his comment without much emotion that my daughter will be just fine either way. Um okay guy, I know you don't have children but have a little understanding that the last thing I want is for my daughter to be opened up, screws and plates put in, and then be in an almost full body cast for months. I came home and cried, I haven't cried for myself since the night of Blair's birth. Becomming a mother I had put most of my worries about myself aside, but now I am real anxious to find out. I mostly wanted to see if I had HD for the next baby. If i have it most likely the next baby will have it...the only good point is we know what to expect now.

4 years ago...

It's almost been 4 years ago since I married my best friend. I know everyone says they married their best friend but Darren truly is mine. Somedays it feels like he's my only friend, and well that's okay with me. Family is so important to me and I'm not sure where we'd be without them. My dad has helped us out so much letting us live in our house, it's been so great to watch Blair and her Grandad play, she even knows the sound of his diesel and squeels when she hears it.

Our wedding wasn't the fanciest, nor did we have a ton of people. In fact I would have rathered gone to vegas or the courthouse. My best friend and I had a fight over a stupid guy and now we don't speak, along with another friend who had such a sour attitude about marriage. It was extremely awkward with my divorced parents and the never ending "we don't have money to invite so and so" list. Yet here we are still going strong, now I do admit we've had our UPS and DOWNS but for the most part our life is great. I know I can tell Darren anything, depend on him when I need help or a shoulder to cry on, which we do a lot of dealing with Hip Dysplasia.

What made our wedding special to me is that we didn't do the regular wedding vows that everyone takes, here is an excerpt from our ceremony. I absoltely love it and I'm going to frame it for Darren:

Now you will feel no rain,
for each of you will be shelter for the other;
Now you will feel no cold,
for each of you will be warmth for the other.
Now there is no more loneliness.
Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you.
Go now to your dwelling to enter into the days of your life together.
And may your days be good, and long upon the Earth.

Stressed to say the least

Lately I had noticed Blair "intoeing", a pc work for pigeon toed. I was concerned so I called down to oakland, left the nurse (who handles all cases)a message asking if we should be concerned. He called back 10minutes later while I was in the shower. He said not to worry it's just a phase, as I explained, she's my first born and I tend to analyze everything! He understood, especially since she has an orthopedic problem I will always be looking out for more. I then said that the next appointment was going to be important because it determines if we need surgery or not. He said "well I looked at her file and there was a note that Dr. H didn't want to do surgery". That totally took me by surprise. I said oh, okay well we'll see you in november. I got my hopes up but was still really confused. I was under the impression last visit that things weren't looking up and the next appt would be the "surgery Talk" appt if there had been no progress. After a panicked phone call to the husband I realized I wasn't the only one with that impression. So what does it mean? Does dr h want to wait a long time to do surgery and wait to see if there's progress? Pelvic osteotomies are different than the other surgereis because they are having to graft bone and make cuts into the sockets so they wait until after 18months to do so. Blair will be 20months old when we go so I assumed we'd be setting a date if there wasn't any change.

After stressing and being in my mind all day about things I realized I need to stop being such a nut. No more researching online, no more fretting about things. The next four months, of course it'll be on my mind, but I need to get some sleep and really enjoy the day to day. We'll find out soon enough what the future holds.

Yesterday was the day from HELL....

Whatever happened to my little sweet girl and who replaced her with a frustrated angry 17month old?? Yesterday was the worst day, started off just fine even with some giggles and playtime with the wheelbarrow and then I go to change diaper #1 and Blair pulls the curly qs that are on the nape of my neck. Yes she's a baby but man that really hurt, my scalp stung for hours! Great, then after a yummy breakfast and more playtime it's time for bath and brushing teeth, poor little girl's gums start to bleed and I try to look in her mouth to see where it's coming from, she grabbed my neck skin and pinched. Wow that really hurt too! Now I'm no pansy mom, I let her know that hurt with a stern talking to and a time out. She's fine two seconds later and giving kisses. But the rest of the day remains the same, she's sweet one second then the next she's slapping me because she tripped outside and I helped her up. Then of course I think to myself: What is going to happen if she gets surgery and is put in basically a full body cast???? She's going to be 1,000X madder, upset, frustrated, along with her Mama. Not to mention my method of taming the toddler: going outside and walking around will not work if surgery does happen. 4 months until we find out, hoping the days get better!

Just a few of our questions for our upcoming appointment

Questions for Dr. Hoffinger

• What are Blair’s index numbers?
• If she’s close to 25 degrees what will the prognosis be?
• How often will we need to see you if she’s close enough to “normal”
• What if we DON’T get surgery?


If she needs surgery:
• When will surgery take place?
• Femoral or pelvic osteoteomy?
• What does surgery entail?
• How long will surgery last?
• What does recovery entail?
• Can we stay in the hospital the whole time?
• What procedures will be done before initial surgery?
• How long should we expect to be in the hospital?
• Will you use hardware?
• Where do we get a car seat?
• Will she fit in a normal stroller?
• Will she be on pain medication?
• Should I donate blood in case she needs a blood transfusion?
• How often do we need to come back for checkups and cast changes?
• What signs should we look for if she’s in trouble?
• What do we do once we get home?
• After surgery how often will we be coming back?
• What should we bring to the hospital?

The worrying never stops

Lately I have been rounding off the months until our appointment, so as of right now 4 months, 4 months to agonize over what might happen. Hip dysplasia is a tricky condition there's no one cure no one procedure that can work. I research and read and read and read so many people's stories and none are the same. I feel so distraught thinking about what might happen. Right now would be the perfect time to start baby#2 but I can't even imagine life with two babies and one being in pain or discomfort. So we wait. The other thing I've been having problems with is seeing healthy normal babies and children and being angry. Darren and I talk often about how hard everything was and how hard it (might) be. I want those days back, I want my infant back and I want everything to be normal.

On a happy note Blair is sleeping in her crib. I don't know how it happened but one night she decided she'd sleep by herself. SO far so good, she cries for about 5 minutes each time and wakes up a couple times. I can let her cry it out and she'll go back to sleep but lately I give in and get her out. I hate to say it but I sleep better knowing she's next to me. I'm crazy I know. She is also saying a few more words such as Dad (finally), Josh, Up and the big one OUT all she wants to do is go OUT and be let OUT. So funny to hear her talking and even funnier to watch her and Joshie run around the house playing chase.

4 more months, I have to think about all the fun things that will happen between now and November, all the fun holidays, birthdays, milestones and hope and pray that Blair won't need surgery and we can get on with our lives!