Waves

Seems like my worrisome and my stress comes in such waves. I was doing good for so long then it's like something triggers my craziness. I've spent too many long nights on the internet looking at DDH and reading people's opinions and googling everything possible. Somedays I wonder why I have the internet, when all I do is order clothes (that don't fit most of the time!), and go crazy researching. Last night I heard Blair's hip pop twice, which I had asked the drs before and they say it's not a big deal but still....how can I not worry about it? November is such a long ways off.

Mama's Birthday

Happy Valentines Day, we aren't doing a whole lot today, Betty dog is over for a playdate and I'm just trying to clean the house for my birthday party tomorrow. I'm not that into my birthday, I'm not much for attention, but they have been a lot more fun now that I'm a Mommy and Blair loves birthday celebrations (cake, candles, singing and presents, what two year old doesn't love that?). And as I sit here thinking about birthdays I can't help but think about how when you're little you love the presents, the attention, it's all about YOU. But once you're older (well maybe not everyone feels this way) you realize what has gone into your BIRTH DAY, which is what I always like to tell my friends on their children's birthday day...because well the Mom has done quite a lot just for you to be on this earth. Not only did my mother create me, she grew me, then labored just to have me on this earth, she fed me, bathed me, and educated me. Of course my Dad had a lot to do with it as well but really now that I'm a Mom I can appreciate Birthdays a lot more!

Letting Go

Okay, as most of my close friends, and whoever may follow my blog probably hear a lot of bad feelings about Blair's birth, the weeks after and overall any DDH moment has a bad feeling connected to it. SO as of last night I've decided to let it ALL go, our birth was not expected and not the way I wanted it but it happened and our next baby's birth won't be how I want it either but I need to have more positive thoughts about it. DDH may have been the hardest thing to go through, but it had to happen and still does happen, and the little girl who is sleeping in my bed is proof that things happen for a reason. It's always in the back of my head, I'll probably always worry but this life is too short and precious to hang on to all of these crazy feelings. Yes, Crazy, been there still half way there but I want to look forward to an awesome year, hopefully soon giving Blair a sibling, traveling, learning, dancing...lots of dancing. Last night while cooking dinner and dancing to the backstreet boys with Blair I had this epiphany that you know what? No matter what life throws at me, I'll overcome it, I know I'll shed lots of tears along the way but I am a stronger mother, I appreciate the small things, I don't take for granted little moments or little improvements. Afterall I love that little girl and November will come quick and even IF Blair needs surgery I'll get through that as well.

New Friend, New Thoughts

I've met so many Mom's the past week and one friend that I can't belive how similar our stories are. Though at the moment we are at a stand still waiting and watching to see if Blair has progress, it's made me think and think about all the things we have gone through and the possibility of things to come. I also saw this link on one of the fb DDH pages, which is very interesting because I had read that the pavlick harness is like 90% effective.


http://www.hipdysplasia.org/About/Newsroom/Latest-News/NewsDetail.aspx?a=361...2&ReturnUrl=%2FAbout%2FNewsroom%2FLatest-News%2Fdefault.aspx%3FcategoryId%3D170%26a%3D3612

There were No tears today!

Blair's two year checkup was yesterday and if you can believe it No tears were shed for the toe prick and flu shot! She was weighed and measured on the "big kid" scale and stood up straight to be measured, my not so little girl is 30.5lbs and 35 inches tall! Wow! Our doctor came in and asked the normal questions which leads to my typed out list about our last ortho appts, he praised us for "sticking" to our appts and following through, which I thought was strange. Why wouldn't I follow through and go to every possible appt I can? I'm not sure how other parents handle things but yes Blair was in a carseat when we drove here, I wore my seatbelt, and all the guns are locked in the gun cabinet at my house...weird questions but I suppose they have to ask everyone. He then checked her legs and hips which Blair did not like at all, she cried and screamed. He said that he couldn't get her hips out, that they are not subluxed as far as he could tell but she is very strong and doesn't like the barlow test. He also said that "if he didn't know she had ddh he wouldn't be able to tell today". Yes it sounds reasuring and seems like everything is Okay, but in all reality I have learned that DDH isn't necessarily cureable and doesn't simply go away. Blair's sockets are not curved but her femur cannot come out of socket now, which is a relief. We'll be back to our ortho in November, a very long 10 months from now.

Blairisms

Blair has her two year appt with her pedi coming up. As usual I type out all of my questions and concerns, and since we haven't been for awhile I will be typing out all of the things Blair is up to. But that got me thinking of all the cute Blairisms.

My favorite Blairism is her kindness. After a nap she hugs and kisses me like crazy and when we hold hands, especially from upstairs down the steep hardwood she kisses my hand. It is the sweetest thing you could ever feel.

Although Blair can say a lot of words and communicate with me, some of her words sound the same. For instance she came into my Mom's kitchen yesterday eating fruit snacks and said "chew" but to me it sounded like "toot" which she says often. Josh and Juice are the same, along with pointing to Josh hairs, she can now say cat and duck and tell me the noises of most animals. She says new and taste and the big word of this month has been CAKE...I wonder why:)

Although Blair has never been very loud, she has started to get a real voice. She sing-songs a lot. And most bath times sound like some sort of mystical chant, it's really funny.

Blair loves playing with her babies, feeding them, telling me they've pooped and trying to clean them. She got a very basic doll house for her birthday and enjoys making the "daddy" sit on the toilet and take baths. The other favorite present has been playdoh. She LOVES it, she'll climb up into her highchair and wait for me to get it for her. She smashes it, cuts it with the plastic scissors that it came with and has started to mix the colors. Best $6 I've ever spent!

Although Blair isn't looking forward to yet another dr.'s appt I sure am. I really like our pedi and discussing her DDH with him. A lot has happened in the past few months so having a chat with him always makes me feel better.

This time two years ago...

This last week has me reminencing about pregnancy, labor, and the dreaded hospital stay. Today two years ago my brother took me to my last doctor's appt. Which thankfully was with a doctor who actually took the time to really "feel" where Blair was positioned. Not only was she worried that Blair was breech (something I had been telling the other doctor for weeks) but that my amniotic fluid was low. I held my tears as she called to order an u/s and stress test for friday and saturday. As I hoisted myself into my brother's tall pickup it all came out, big warm tears and all my fears. Not only had I been preparing for a natural drug free birth, I had anticipated spending as little time as I could in the hospital. I am a home body, always have been. If I had it my way I'd do a home birth.

So as a start to some possible posts I have confessions of a DDH mother:


Before Blair was born I did some major retail damage. I bought her all sorts of clothes and cutsie stuff. The first night we came home I realized Blair had nothing to wear under her harness. I didn't have any long sleeve onesies, so off Darren went all over town trying to find long sleeve shirts (we didn't use oneises for awhile because it was easiest to change diapers around the harness). I took one look at her drawers full of clothes and decided to not put anything that wasn't 1. soft 2. tag free 3. comfy and not too tight. It has stuck with me up to this day. I know people love buying blair clothes but I stick to those rules. Which as I have found is hard once you hit the 2Ts, I found the best socks are old navy triple rolls, or the circo socks that don't roll at target. The socks that came with blair's harnesses were HORRIBLE. They were made from some sort of crochet material and shrunk in the wash. You're not supposed to take the brace off often, not even everyday for clothing changes. But I just couldn't do that, Blair got a new onesie and socks everynight.

It's so nice to be harness and brace free, I hope life stays that way:)